Get Shredded                                                                                                    

Get ripped and speak it, be it and live it. Time goes by way too fast to wake up the fibres early. It means bowing to our weaknesses, getting bromotional at some points. I’m in the same position at 35-years-old: body of a Greek god, the mind of a Spartan, music sounds like anime. Legend has it that if you stare at Jeff’s biceps for long enough, then thick deep veins and you embrace the blood flow restriction machine.

Since bursting onto the scene with rolled oats, anabolic aliens helped thousands to bookmark this page. Brace your core for the anabolic window! Acknowledging and facing our truth and posting a ton of dance videos that’ll inspire you to hypertrophy your Donkey Kong arms that borders on witchcraft. Killer workout drills that no. Matter. What. #truth

Metabolic, hormonal, and psychological responses to turn from average to absolute savage. 10-15g of BCAA and glutamine, Gerard Butler (pH, BE, HCO₃⁻, pO₂, PCO₂), electrolytes like certified nerd boys at 54% body fat racing towards type II diabetes. Haters will see you walk on water, videos of a beast in the process of sculpting my masterpiece.

Monday

Cherry pickers A and B. Moves 7, 8, and 9. Plant your feet and manufacture sunlight. All of us can benefit from building aerodynamic ham hocks, can fill in the gaps left by mom and dad’s sorry DNA. Synthol freaks don’t become the next synthol man. I didn’t turn on wrestling fans. They turned on all our heroes who have served, and continue to serve our nation.

Tuesday

End toxic relationships and perform a dumbbell curl. Walk around and tap into your testosterone to cortisol ratio, speculate that the acute hormonal increase and the metabolic perturbations might play a positive role in making all of us 5.5 and 3/4 lifters proud. Head Radio in GTA 3 was simply anxiety management.

Wednesday

Romanian deadlift A. Shrug B. 4 sets of 6-8, 6-8, 10-12, 10-12 reps, rest 90 sec, and repeat to failure. Failure is meant to be exhausting. The higher reps feast out of your sunken chest. Nothing answers the question ‘Do you even lift?’ like following your dreams. You look like Moses before going into surgery this morning.

Thursday

If you can’t squat like a self-respecting alpha, then make way for royalty, drag queen and pro-wrestler. Did you have any open wounds exposed in a crowded area? Perform AMRAP with 10RM, rest 15 sec. Butt blaster machine torches fat, 4 sliced spring onions didn’t just magically start trending – there’s truth in it. Pass the Evian.

Friday

Whatever happened to #flexfriday? The in10sity technique for forward reverse wrist curls A and B and triceps pushdown stack attack challenge B. Conquer that cable! The weight room is an ideal laboratory for crafting arm-ageddon. Swole father who art in heaven, vascular be thy veins. For thine is the bench, curl, the row. Forever and ever whey-men. Taking souls feels so good.

Saturday

Instagram #fitspo legend Joe says a hydrated body is more efficient at rumba fusion. Cardio is a necessary evil. Twelve subjects performed: 1) HVT [130 min at 55% peak power output (PPO)]; 2) 4×4 min at 95% PPO; 3) 4×30 s all-out. All of us can benefit from photos paired with Ezekiel bread. A bald eagle just shed a tear of joy looking at the level of tryptophan in the brain.

Sunday

Dumbbell skull-crusher A and B. Squeeze your shoulder blades, then lower the dumbbells to get the likes of Mario Lopez camera-ready. Treat each set and rep like it’s the 5 knuckle shuffle. Snorted it. Dick hard for all kinds of hours. Ginkgo, pine bark, turmeric root, black pepper extracts to promote optimal circulation to spot a fake natty. Spending time on stronger erections.

Final Tips to Get Jacked

The body is art. I’m in the International Journal of Obesity. The age-old saying that I’m hated by slobs wearing Bullet Club T-shirts. If someone can’t respect that then they are a total normie N.A.R.P. who probably listens to Clay Aiken with their blow-up doll girlfriend.

Hustle harder with a four-egg omelette. This is no easy feat. In fact, it’s Alicia Keys. This is very inspirational.

Intense Bicep Snapness Workout 7 Day Weekly Schedule $9.99. I seriously doubt college students are going to be able to afford to pour vodka in my protein shake.

GET 10% off by using “ROIDERZ” when you purchase it.

Thanks to Dude Wipes for making it happen.

User Comments

AnabolicWarrior05:

sir, i am 13 and have imbalances in my front delts. my delts, my front delt is more developed. i do 66 reps in sickening order of 66 reps per set, m’lord. alpha m is your elder brother? keep this a dink-free zone. #ThrillRideOrDie

(Posted 15/02/18 @ 22:01pm)

MuscleMayhemm:

Libido Gains $16.99. Bruh I was geeeking till 4am! I was thoroughly impressed with chance to cream pie my stepmother was Marine. I busted all kinds of nuts… all kindzzz… busting multiple nuts multiple times. Genetics is king!

(Posted 18/02/18 @ 7:46am)

RichPiranhaFan:

Very tired of pretending to be some cartoon character. Can my broken arm get some likes??

(Posted 06/04/18 @ 13:27pm)

 


Matthew Kinlin

Matthew Kinlin is a writer based in Lancashire, UK. He released the zine SEWER HOUR last year. You can find @garbagemagician on Twitter.

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