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Womannotated – Oh The Places You Will Work Bitch And Not Be Free

Oh The Places You’ll Work Bitch

And Not Be Free

for Britney

For Disney, Pepsi, Bela Karolyi

(who USA gymnastics cut ties with

in pedophile controversy at the

remote training space, national forest

woods), Star Search, Broadway, Rolling Stone

(at seventeen in push-up bra, baby

blue velveteen rabbit inside her own

small town bedroom.), the 24, maybe

more, varietals of perfume; Sbarro,

Nabisco, HBO (Emmy wins for

concert docu shows), and their fathers, though,

even if estranged, legalities restore

a golden gosling to its violent cage

without telephone, medicated rage.

Continue reading “Womannotated – Oh The Places You Will Work Bitch And Not Be Free”

Womannotated – Underneath

 

The following is a brand new poem written for The Meadow, my bdsm themed poetry collection about my time in the world of bdsm as a young woman.  I wrote this piece as well as the Reader’s Guide I published below to enhance your pleasure and understanding of the text.  Order your own Meadow at apeppublications.com.

Underneath 

Before you call yourself a womanchild,

you fly to New York City, college girl 

costumed to be defiled, pigtailed, beguiled 

before a bedtime story, too.  A whirl-

wind trip in which he will present to you 

Red, topsy-turvy, Riding Hood one night, Continue reading “Womannotated – Underneath”

Womannotated, Dirty Dancing Saves Your Life

Dirty Dancing Saves Your Life

 

When you are raised by fundamentalists,

at slumber parties you resist. Approved-

of-girl, goes to your church, sly fantasist

whom no one hurts, her mom insists

you stay the night — both look sufficiently up-

tight, lacy collars, skirts below the knee.

Continue reading “Womannotated, Dirty Dancing Saves Your Life”

Big Moves/Changes/ Feelings by Lauren Weik

When I first decided to move from Austin, TX to Los Angeles, I was leaving behind my friends, family, two jobs, and cat all in Texas to go finish school in a big, new city. I was freshly single after a relationship of two years, and I felt isolated, alone, but empowered to say the least.

The week before I moved from Austin, I said several goodbyes. To the job I worked for 3 years, to my students who I worked with in an after-school program. I moved everything out of my apartment and picked myself up after long sad nights.

During this transition period, talking about all the swift changes and new rules of the adult world proved difficult. I was only beginning to learn how to navigate my own mental health, and I went through my days carrying the weight of the breakup pain plus the grief of moving while others appeared to function and lead happy, perfect lives. I watched my 4 year old cousin turn 5, and we painted his hair pink. I went to Chicago by myself to visit an old friend. I packed up my belongings and dealt with the process of moving like a grown woman. Continue reading “Big Moves/Changes/ Feelings by Lauren Weik”

There Might Have Been Horses by Rebecca Loudon

Oh sad potato wrapped in plastic like Laura Palmer I might have been Caroline Calloway I might have swallowed a yellow sundress a lemon yellow orchid a story to tell by a bonfire at night in a forest in Montana

my tell is a magnetic lie
my tell is a rotting animal
my tell is a broken knuckle
my tell is a tent pitched at Flathead Lake

where I traveled backward into wilderness where fire and blackberries devoured my girl soul where soil and conifers met at the trout mouth edge and blue water and black deep did not restore my sister but we rose her anyway we opened her stone and chanted up her finished flesh and worshiped her little dress her lilac crown her apples her plush rabbit

I played my violin in the forest
I thought music could fix my disease
I thought music could raise the dead

when my face doesn’t unlock my phone I panic I have become Caroline Calloway my life mere electricity I have disappeared into caves among the stalactite’s green glisten the ocean never closer than my memory of Montana there might have been horses there might have been giant hares there might have been my father building a fire raising my sister from the ashes look he said look at her perfection Continue reading “There Might Have Been Horses by Rebecca Loudon”

mother, the objects by Elizabeth Kolenda

Screenshot_20191213-182853__01(1) Continue reading “mother, the objects by Elizabeth Kolenda”

No (New) Man’s Land – A poem by Joseph Schreiber

No (New) Man’s Land

His is
a life in fluid drawn,
pushed through
scar tissue, muscle yielding.
Pull. Plunge.
Inject. Extract.
New man by
needle-born in flush
of mid-life puberty, 
bending forty
years of life.
Burying facts that
fail to fit.

Continue reading “No (New) Man’s Land – A poem by Joseph Schreiber”

Featured Photo Artist – Amanda Ollinik

Our Photo artist for the month, Amanda Ollinik, supplied almost all the featured photos used(except for two or three). She is as prolific as our poetry/fiction contributors, and very well take her talent seriously. We are grateful to her and her partner, Lydia, for making the month as photogenic as it can be. Continue reading “Featured Photo Artist – Amanda Ollinik”

The Polar Express (2004) – Cass Francis

The Polar Express (2004)

now i believe
in animated snow
globes warped
with human
yearning

hidden
behind design
fantasy
computer code
magic Continue reading “The Polar Express (2004) – Cass Francis”

Poem, Writing & Art by Alix Hyde

Yellow Flower

Are you a girl

or a boy?

 

my nephew would ask me,

puzzled.

I’d smile and try not to answer

for as long as I could.

 

But he was so persistent, so

needy for reassurance.

My nephew is secure in his boyhood;

no questions, no blurriness

in his mind. He, him,

boy things, boy clothes

and books.

 

But me? An enigma, Continue reading “Poem, Writing & Art by Alix Hyde”

Wrap by Sam Kaner

Wrap.jpeg

 

Sam Kaner is a visual artist and writer based in Nottingham, UK. Her work is rooted in the personal experience of social and political navigation as a depressed trans woman of colour.

Her work is documented on her website, www.samkaner.com, and on her Instagram account, @skamglamart.

Someone Else and Harry by Jason Jackson

It all started when Harry had to move into the apartment.

The walls were white, and there were marks where the previous tenant had hung pictures. Harry went around the place, measuring these spaces. In a notepad, he wrote down numbers. He drew little diagrams.

Then he spent the next day in town. It was more difficult than he’d imagined, but he finally got everything he needed: seventeen pictures, each one corresponding to a white space on his walls. Harry didn’t care about the pictures – one was of a grinning cat in the rain, and Harry disliked cats – he just cared that they fitted the spaces.

He spent that evening drinking coffee and hanging the pictures, and eventually he lay down in bed.

The previous tenant had left the mattress, and although Harry was used to sleeping on the left, this mattress had an indentation on the right. Harry lay down in this exact spot. It was too small for him, but it felt safe, and in the morning when he woke he found he hadn’t moved. Continue reading “Someone Else and Harry by Jason Jackson”

Confessional by Meeah Williams

It’s a bad habit I picked up

when still living out my pack of lies

& can’t quite shake

attention like a drug

I keep shooting

down the highways of my wanting veins

exposing myself to men

like a circus curiosity

the Amazing Chick with a Dick Continue reading “Confessional by Meeah Williams”

Children of the Revolution by Emma Ireland

we, the children of this revolution

who came to it all from fields afar

not born beneath a dissident star

of parents dressed in shades of green

but found we belonged only in between

and here we stand, and here we’ll fall

and we’ll die together

or not at all

we, the children of this revolution

who carry our books instead of swords

who taught ourselves, despite it all

who search for truth wherever it lies

and see the world through suspicious eyes

here we stand, and here we’ll fall

and we’ll die together

or not at all

Continue reading “Children of the Revolution by Emma Ireland”

Painted Legs by Juliette van der Molen

it won’t do,

grandmother said,

to show bare legs.

you need smoothness

and muscle tone—

not to mention the

barrier between

the hands of men

or even their eyes

and your flesh.

 

no silk to be had,

and there’s a war,

by the way.

but, still—

the illusion must

remain intact,

nothing’s changed!

Continue reading “Painted Legs by Juliette van der Molen”

S(mocked) by Juliette van der Molen

puckered tight,

disapproving lips,

where threads have

pulled and gathered

red and white gingham

checks across a chest

that doesn’t know how

to expand, just yet.

tennis shoes tied

in double knots,

sun licking pavement

until it is gooey,

spongy with heat. Continue reading “S(mocked) by Juliette van der Molen”

A Song From a Straight Ally by Suzanne Fraser-Martin

I am a straight ally.

And I choose to make an oath to all that choose to hear it

I will defend the different dissonance, I will stand with

those told who to love and when to love and how to love

those told that they cannot have.

Those told that they are somehow lesser, that being gay is a joke

That being Trans* is just convenient cover for a pervert

Those told that simply being anything other than straight is not normal, Is deviant, is ‘other’

I make this oath because of the things I see

I see forty-nine threads cut short, I see the right to pee safely being ruled by fear

I see the rules of divorce still governed by straight law

I see secure employment being based on your sexual orientation

I see religion twisted into hate, I see corrective rape, I see murder

I see you, queer girl, your slip shed soul constantly bruised from unwanted advances

When a man reeking of arrogance says,

“You’ve never had a real man, bet I’ll give you a good fuck”

Continue reading “A Song From a Straight Ally by Suzanne Fraser-Martin”

To My Daughter by Zachary Payne

oh 200 grams of you

today they told me you will be a woman

a girl, a girl

we are having a baby girl

I will be a father

and with this great news

I’m hurt by the privilege

that exists

that continues existing

that besides all of the battles

will exist when you are born

 

remember

you don’t have to be a princess

or wear pink

(unless that be your desire)

Continue reading “To My Daughter by Zachary Payne”

Rapid Eye Movement by Kevin Jackson

He who may be she

used to think playing piano

was a way to touch god, or at least

 

something beyond the window

not made of  tarmac, livid body

 

parts. Such a god, music-mother,

swaggering-string-weaver, hip-horn rooster, took him

(as teachers then stamped her,

with the authority of corridors

going nowhere), took her mind off

Continue reading “Rapid Eye Movement by Kevin Jackson”

The Unforgiving Season by Paula Geanau

1.

Out of all four seasons, summer is the least inviting to love. Continue reading “The Unforgiving Season by Paula Geanau”

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